A More Beautiful Life Collective

In this post, we are tackling the first of our 5 rules of decluttering and organizing: You must figure out the ‘why’ behind the clutter in your home before you can get a handle on a sustainable solution for a clean and organized home. You need to ask yourself 15 decluttering questions to figure out why you are holding onto things in your home. This will help you declutter your home and your life.

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I just got panicked when I thought about my home. I wanted to be anywhere but there, with the miles-long to-do list of things that I needed to do in order to make it even feel like a home. In the corner were boxes and boxes of things that I had accumulated over the year, but I had not used any of them in a long time. Truthfully, I hadn’t even opened the box since before we were married. Living in an unfinished house made it feel like nothing could be finished, no matter how hard I worked. 

My tactic? Just not work at it. 

So I allowed myself to slowly let things go. Because the house wasn’t finished yet, I waited to open up our wedding presents until everything was fixed. If there was something that I wasn’t sure about – sheets, clothes, old college textbooks – I piled them in one of the unused rooms. Being newly married, I felt like we had nothing, so on top of not unpacking (or unwrapping), I also said yes to anything and everything that anyone was giving away. Old furniture, plates, and pots? Of course, I’ll take it. 

This was a recipe for disaster. 

As the things piled up, I just decided to shut that door – the door that said that anything could be fixed in our under-construction house – and focus on working on things I could control, the laundry and my job. 

Is this a story that sounds familiar to you? 

Maybe you’ve never been living through a renovation, but you’ve been busy packing up for a big move that took a lot longer than you thought. Maybe you’ve been saving items for a project you want to complete, but life keeps getting in the way and I’ll of those things end up in boxes in your basement. Slowly, life gets crowded out down there, and your plan is to just close the door and focus on something else. 

In a series on decluttering, it can seem a little strange to focus on our actions – and our mindset – as opposed to the stuff surrounding us. It would seem like the only thing we would need to focus on is how to decide what to get rid of and what to keep. That does help – and we talked about that in our last post in this series. 

But truly, the actual getting rid of things is just a bandaid over a larger problem. We have to figure out exactly why we are keeping things to figure out how to get rid of them forever. To do this, we need to acquire a healthy dose of self-awareness and be honest with ourselves about the ‘why’ behind our clutter. This post will give you 15 decluttering questions to get yourself thinking not only about clutter but also your general relationship with your possessions.

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Rule #1: Ask yourself 15 decluttering questions to figure out the ‘why’ behind your clutter. 

The first step that I took when I decided to start decluttering and organizing my house was to find a few good books about the whole process. You can find my suggestions here. The Clutter Fix was my personal favorite out of the list. In the book, she begins the whole process by figuring out why you are holding onto your stuff and then she gives some biblical truth for letting some of the stuff go. You need to ask yourself some decluttering questions. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself. 

Some common reasons why people hold onto their things could be: 

• They are sentimental and feel like they are getting rid of people when they get rid of their things. 
• They are bargain shoppers, and then fall prey to the ‘sunk-cost fallacy.’ They don’t want to get rid of something if they’ve spent money on it because they think it’s a waste of money. But really, the money is already spent. You are just now spending your time and effort taking care of that thing instead. 
• They are worried about the future and feel like they need things to be ‘okay.’ Basically, they’ve fallen prey to the scarcity mindset. They feel like they need to hoard supplies just in case they may need them in the future because they are worried they don’t have enough. Shannon Acheson calls this reason ‘A Worrywart.”

You may find that you are a mixture of these types or you may find that your reason for having clutter falls into a different category. She mentions a few others in the book. It’s important to recognize why we are choosing to hold onto things because that will help us from getting more and more things in the future. 

When I worked through these decluttering questions myself, I found that I always said “Yes!” when people were offering to get rid of things. I also had a tendency to hold onto things even if they were broken and just make do. (In fact, I still have a chair that literally is falling apart, but we still use it regularly. So I’m still not quite reformed yet!) That combination means that I have a lot of mismatched things of varying quality. It also meant that I had quite a bit of clutter. 

I think it’s great to hold onto things that you actually use and like. We still have my parents’ wool oriental rug that is in great condition (especially for being almost as old as me!). We’ve also been using my grandmother’s old Corelle plates for years (they are probably from 2000), and they still look like new! Using hand-me-downs for our furniture, clothes, dishes, and appliances has saved us thousands of dollars (probably closer to tens of thousands) even if it’s not the current style. But, you have to use discernment when accepting things. If you don’t actually need it, don’t take it just because it’s offered to you. Someone else might actually need it, and you are taking that opportunity away from them. 

Ultimately, you need to get at the heart issue behind why you are accumulating all your stuff. If you don’t, you will go through the decluttering process, only to find that you need to go through it all over again in a few months. This is why it’s important to work through these decluttering questions.

How do you figure out your “Why” behind your clutter?: Answer these decluttering questions

To begin, you need to figure out what exactly you are feeling when it comes to your house, your things, and your relationship with all of that. 

We have to begin by gauging how you feel about your home and about your current sense of security and safety. Asking yourself these decluttering questions will help you to identify current pain points and shame points. If you feel pain, shame, or annoyance, that should clue you into the idea that there is something off or wrong with that particular situation. That doesn’t mean that the thing annoying you is the actual problem; it just means that there is a problem there. 

For instance, when you work through these decluttering questions, you realize you have a collection of cups that you don’t really like but feel like you need to use because they were your great-aunts. You are worried that they will break or won’t be washed properly so your family knows it’s not their responsibility to take care of them. These cups add 10-20 minutes of work a day because no one in your family washes them or even puts them by the sink. The end-of-the-day dishwashing session has become your least favorite part of the day. 

By answering these decluttering questions, you are beginning to identify the ‘why’ behind the clutter in your home. You are sentimental, even if the items you are keeping are not what you like or what is practical for your family. By writing this down, you may start to see several solutions right away that you can implement to make that issue go away. You could get different cups and use those for special occasions (or just get rid of them), or you could ask a family member to take over the job of washing. 

In some situations, some of your answers to these decluttering questions might not even really be related to the actual clutter. You may just be bothered because something isn’t stored in the right place. Going through this process will help you brainstorm solutions to solve these problems. 

For instance, your answer to these decluttering questions might be: “My son leaves legos everywhere!” because feel annoyed that you have to pick up legos in your living room every day (or you step on them in the dark and scream in pain). This doesn’t mean that your son is the problem, or even that the legos are the problem. Instead, the problem is that you have an added task every day, and legos are the thing causing it. Once you’ve identified the problem, then you can brainstorm solutions to solve it, like the legos going in a tub that only comes out on certain days, your son is required to pick up legos or they get thrown away, or the legos only being allowed in your son’s room. 

Asking yourself the following decluttering questions will build that self-awareness. Then, by writing it down, you see the situation in black and white, which may trigger new solutions. 

Decluttering Questions to Find the “Why” Behind Your Clutter

Here are some questions to get you thinking about why you are accumulating the clutter in your home. You can find a printable version at our shop.  

Decluttering Questions About your Home: 

1. When I think about my home, what are the first few words that come to mind? 
2. If someone was about to drop by unannounced, how would you feel? What would you be most worried about them seeing in your home? 
3. Do you enjoy being in your home? Why or why not? 
4. What annoys you most about your home? 
5. Do you feel like your home is tidy? If not, what is keeping it from being tidy? 

Decluttering Questions About Your Possessions: 

6. Do you feel content with what you own? 
7. What do you feel like you don’t have enough of? 
8. Does owning any certain possession make you feel safe and secure? What is it, and why? 
9. Do any of your possessions draw up negative emotions? What are they, and what emotions do you feel? 

Decluttering Questions about Your Clutter: 

10. Do you often buy things that you don’t need? Why or why not? 
11. Do you often accept things from others that you don’t need? Why or why not? 
12. Do you have several duplicate items in your home that you don’t need? Why or why not? 
13. What emotions do you feel after you have bought something? 
14. Is there anything in your home that you don’t enjoy, but you can’t bring yourself to get rid of? Why are you holding onto that thing? 
15. Is there anything in your home that doesn’t have a specific place? How many items? 

As you consider your home, your possessions, and your relationship with clutter, you may start to see certain patterns or repeated answers to these decluttering questions. This will help you to recognize what your plan of attack should be in order to begin to change your relationship with your home and your things. You may also recognize what you should begin with when you start to declutter your home. 

3 Mindset Changes When it Comes to Clutter 

Our goal for figuring out our “Why” behind our clutter should always be to have a more godly and healthy relationship with our things. So many of us are co-dependent on our things. We rely on them for feelings of safety, security, love, and fulfillment. The stuff we fill our homes with can never satisfy us, and often, they will only cause pain if we look to them for any kind of higher purpose. Our things are just tools, and they are tools that we should use to glorify God. 

We need to make 3 mindset shifts to have a more healthy godly relationship with our things. 

Mindset Shift #1: I have enough no matter the amount of things that I own. 

We put so much emphasis and weight on owning more. We look to our things for status and fulfillment. We think that by owning the right things we will feel better about ourselves and our lives. And that people will like us more. 

But, this is just a lie. 

Christ is enough, and in Christ, we have enough. 

Paul says in Phillippians 4:11-13, 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

In Christ, we can be content in all circumstances, no matter what those circumstances are. But, we must find fulfillment in him. 

This means that owning more possessions won’t make us feel safer. Or more secure. We already have enough right now to do what God calls us to do. Buying something else won’t fill that void, so we don’t need to accumulate more. 

Mindset Shift #2: Material Possessions don’t represent love or people that I love.

Have you ever bought something – a toy, game, or trinket – thinking that it will make you feel happy? But, once you got it and held it in your hand, you quickly forgot about it, or worse, felt buyer’s remorse? In our consumerist, materialistic culture, we often equate owning more with happiness. However, we know that those things we buy are just things. They don’t feel anything and are quickly lost, forgotten, and broken – especially if we are not able to take care of them because of the amount that we own. 

Owning more doesn’t lead to more happiness. It often just leads to the pursuit of owning more. If we fall prey to this pursuit, we have fallen prey to idolatry. But, again these are idols – unseeing, unfeeling idols – that we’ve fashioned out of our own hands (Isaiah 44:15-18). 

We shouldn’t look to these things to love us back, and we definitely shouldn’t worship these things, thinking that they will give us fulfillment in life. 

In the same vein, we shouldn’t look to these things to show honor or love for other people. We don’t just look to our things to make us happy; we often give things to others to show love. This isn’t a bad thing! I love giving and receiving Christmas gifts. But, when we attach this feeling of love to our things, then we can begin to have twisted feelings towards our things. Our things become the replacement for words that we can’t be able to say. It’s a common trope that kids in broken homes receive more possessions to try to replace the sense of love and security that they may not feel. Those possessions were given in an attempt to fill the void of love, but obviously, they could not. 

Being a receiver of these objects can sometimes mean holding onto things that we don’t need, want, or enjoy because they represent love to us. They represent our feelings for the person who gave us that thing. And, we feel like we are ‘throwing that person away’ when we give the item away. You don’t have to hold onto things to remember the good memories associated with people you love. 

We need a mindset that says that our things are not representative of love which gives us the freedom to give experiences, handmade items, or simply quality time to others instead of constantly piling more clutter on them. 

Mindset Shift #3: My possessions are simply tools, no more, no less. 

Lastly, our third mindset shift is to recognize that our possessions are not lords of our lives. This means we shouldn’t pursue or desire them above all else. It also means that we don’t need to spend our lives running away from them. 

As I mentioned before, I am not a minimalist. We don’t have to fear owning things, and we shouldn’t shun owning things. Instead our possessions – just like our money – is a tool to glorify God. No matter whether we have a little or a lot, we use what we have to glorify God and further his kingdom. 

It’s a reordering of our priorities and goals in life, with God at the top always. In doing this, the hold that our possessions have over our lives is slowly loosened. We can finally move on. 

Figure Out Your Why

So what do you think? What’s the why behind your clutter? Comment below and let me know! You can download this free printable from the shop to work through these questions. 

Be sure to subscribe to the blog so you can get the next post in this series sent directly to your inbox. We will begin to talk about your organizing style and why that is so important for sticking with a decluttered home.