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What is the Asterisk?
I have a love-hate relationship with social media, albeit it leans more towards hate most days. Facebook is actually my social media of choice; in one news feed, I can get all the life updates I need along with my (sometimes fake) news. And though it makes me feel like someone who just ate a whole bag of chips and is filled with grease and regret, I almost always click to read comments on toxic posts. I like a good healthy debate, but obviously, comment threads like these bring out the worst in everyone. I’m a lurker – I never comment back – but I definitely imagine what would be the best comeback to someone’s thoughts that I don’t agree with. One of my least favorite rhetorical go-to’s for Facebook commenters is what I call the opposition of the caveat. Someone will make a perfectly valid statement for 90% of the population, but because it is not valid for 10%, the commenter will determine the rest of the statement as false. True, I always teach my students to acknowledge the counter-argument in a research paper. But, we’re not dealing with a 5 paragraph essay here – it’s a generally 2-3 sentence reply. Why do we always need to mention all the reasons why the point might not be true if a series of obscure circumstances occur? Obviously, these ‘caveat’ responses – where the poster forgets to mention a caveat that might discredit their idea – are not actually looking to add anything substantive to the debate. It’s a poster feeling a negative reaction to the post and looking for a valid reason why. It sounds noble to be standing up for the 10%, and so they look to that reason to discredit the post they simply did not like.
When I read posts like this, I sometimes just have to laugh. If one were to acknowledge all of the caveats, all the reasons why something might not be the best idea for all people, then a post could easily turn into a book. I teach English, and language is like humans. There is always, always, always an exception to every rule. Maybe you might say that it’s worthwhile to acknowledge these other sides… Like a good rebuttal, it adds credence to what the author is saying and helps you to trust them. But, what I’ve found in my reading is that most caveats actually lessen the impact of powerful statements because they simply detract the attention away from them.
Take for example a talk or devotion on healthy marriages. Basically, any book, devotion, podcast – anything – that discusses healthy marriages will almost always include the caveat: ‘We are talking about healthy marriages here. If you are in an abusive relationship you should, (here they will list various options from simply get out to seek a Christian counselor).’ Now is this statement false? Absolutely, not! It shows sympathy for all those who deal with physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse by their partners, and of course, I wholeheartedly agree! Don’t stay in the same place in those relationships! Get some kind of solution! But, I’ve found that when you take 5 minutes explaining this in a 20-minute sermon, much of your focus is taken away from the main thing: “Which is how can I take my marriage and make it as healthy as possible?” Focusing on the caveat reduces our focus on practical solutions for our everyday problems. If someone is dealing with an abusive relationship, they should look at advice geared to that relationship. If someone just is looking to help make a healthy marriage healthier, they should get advice catered to them.
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I feel as though we are living in the age of the caveat. In making sure everyone’s situation is represented in what we say, we end up drowning out anything substantive in our speech. We can’t speak powerfully on anything because we are caught up questioning if there is some situation that we are not thinking of.
How to Stand for Something
As I think about purpose, I find myself always reminding myself of the Asterisk*. The reason why living according to what I feel like God is calling me to do is not actually what God is calling me to do because of all the caveats I feel need to be mentioned. God is calling me to be an immediate presence in my children’s lives but there are so many more pressing things to do. So, I say “Yes, but…” to God. In doing so, I’m effectively saying “No.” I say, “Yes, I will be that presence, but only after I finish to x, y, and z.” It seems like I am saying yes, and I genuinely want to. However, x, y, and z never actually get done and so my actions never really follow through with what I am saying. (Matt. 21:28-32) The problem is compounded by the ways that I feel like I need to respond to the culture. Instead of saying, yes, I will act in obedience to whatever God has said to do. I think of all the reasons why I shouldn’t. I should stay home with my kids and be their primary educator. But, women need to be a strong presence in the workforce, other people can teach them just as well, it’s also important to give children a role model of a working mom, money and wealth can also help to make an impact on the world, as a teacher I can be such a light to students in an evil world, etc. etc. etc. These are all my asterisks… all the reasons why I shouldn’t do what God is calling me to do. And, they are all true. I am not the best teacher for my kids (especially in math). I am not the only one who can take care of my kids. Having wealth and money is important, especially in contributing to ministry and missions.
These are all true statements, but they diminish the true power of what I feel my calling is. We read about excuses like these in Luke 9:57-62. Jesus called people to follow him and in each instance, they gave a reason why they could not actually follow him. These reasons were true statements, but we recognize them as excuses – obstacles in the way of following Jesus. We understand clearly that yes being a disciple would cost something, but it would be worth it for those in this story to follow Jesus.
Yet, we are just like those in the story. We put an asterisk on our calling and say that we can’t do it because of an excuse. We lessen the power of the call of God. We need to be a people that step up and out in confidence in the power of the Spirit of God. How can we expect to do this if we are constantly second-guessing our basic callings? Let’s stop being ruled by excuses. Recognize the power of your words, and speak truth and life with them!
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