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As I make the transition from the classroom to home, I wanted to take a minute to look back at some of the lessons I learned. I just wrote in my previous post about 10 tips for classroom teachers. Teaching is difficult, and as you’ll see, I really struggled throughout my years in the classroom with whether to stay in that job or pursue something else. Here is the story of my time in the classroom. I wrote part of this last year while on maternity leave, and a year later, I am finishing it.
When you are struggling with a decision to stay or leave a job, it can seem daunting to actually make a decision. We want to make a perfect decision, especially if we feel as though our decision is affecting our ability to live out the calling we have been given by God. Growing up I always struggled with what my calling was. I never felt pulled in one specific direction. I never had a single ambition laid on my heart. I researched several different paths I could take. As a child – like many other girls my age – I would line up my stuffed animals and play school with them. I would get old textbooks when I could barely read and teach through the imagined material. As I grew up though, I experienced an ebb and flow with teaching, sometimes drifting away and considering other options such as nursing, law school, journalism, and business and then slowly drifting back to teaching again. I even took a class my senior year called Teacher Cadet where we learned about the teaching profession and got to work with a class for a few months. However, when I went to college, I didn’t choose teaching. I went for a business degree… and I ended up switching my major after just a few months to Secondary English Education. The ebb and flow.
Throughout college, I tutored, worked at a children’s museum, and completed my practicums. But, still, the ebb and flow was there. While studying abroad, I researched law school, but upon returning home I drifted back. I completed my master’s, during which I also completed my student teaching.
The first day I taught, I remember thinking three things: (1) During a Quick Write after several Ice Breaker activities – Wow, my students do so much more than I did on the first day throughout College. This is a lot. (2) During my last block of the day when I hadn’t remembered to go to the bathroom when I had the chance – I have to pee like NOW. (3) Do I really want to do this every day for the next 30 years?
I made it through that first year. There were tears. In teaching the time from August to around the beginning of October is always a whirlwind. You eat, sleep, breathe teaching, and around October 1st, it’s like you wake up and think, ‘Where did the past 6 weeks go?’ Around this time, you realize you are physically tired, emotionally worn out, and you have stacks of papers to grade to get your grade book finished for the First 9 Weeks’ report cards. Parents are starting to contact you about the lackluster grade their child was given (or maybe you are contacting them saying little Johnny is making a 26 in your class – with no response). And the honeymoon period with your students is over. Once they get a little more comfortable with you, they get a little more comfortable with acting out.
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I told my husband every morning for the rest of that first semester that I didn’t want to go to work that day. I asked him if I could stay home, and yes, it was rhetorical, but it didn’t keep me from googling stories of people who quit mid-year. Somehow I made it through, and it did get easier. I remember one morning skipping my planning period; I didn’t have kids who report to me until 9:45. I just sat on the couch and cried. I was on an island in my school, which was partly the fault of some of my coworkers and partly my fault. I had a couple of particularly chatty classes, but honestly, my kids were pretty good that year. I did have a couple of difficult students, but I think what I described is what the situation is for most teachers.
I prayed and prayed for God to get me out of that situation. For him to let me quit. (I don’t know how God answers prayers like that…) I spoke with a friend who worked at a nearby school about what I was feeling, and he said I should try changing schools. It wasn’t like that at his school. I talked with him on a Sunday, that Tuesday I had an interview at Starbucks with the principal, and he offered me the job that Wednesday for the following school year. It was an answered prayer.
I finished out the year at my school (somehow). Teaching is hard and intense… but just like parenting and really every situation, if you go wake up and show up, you turn around at the end of the year and realize, ‘Wow, I actually did it. And, honestly? It wasn’t that bad.’ I’ve heard horror stories of teachers being abused physically and emotionally by their students with little to no support from their admin. I would quit in a heartbeat if that was my situation. However, in my case, both my schools were good – it was just me having the issue.
The next year went by. I remember thinking right before school started: Oh no, what did I do? Why did I agree to back to this place after the year that I just had? I found out I was pregnant the week before school started and I had really intense morning sickness that lasted about half the pregnancy. If I wasn’t throwing up (which happened about every time I ate), I was terribly exhausted. I had a particularly challenging class that year. I had moved to a middle school and honestly wasn’t prepared for the difficulty of switching from 16-year-olds to 12-year-olds. It’s a whole different ball game there. That challenging class couldn’t stay quiet for 5 minutes for me to get through a lesson. One morning, I was trying to read a short chapter in a book when the whispering started. I remember feeling nauseous, then dizzy, and I started seeing black spots so I had to find a seat before I passed out. As any teacher knows, if you sit down in a class like that, it can become mayhem pretty quickly. Somehow I made it through that day (after throwing up my lunch) and that year. It was cut short by COVID, and I had my son that April.
During that year, I prayed and prayed. The prayer had changed though from ‘Please get me out of this situation’ to ‘Should I get out of this situation or should I stay? Should I be a stay-at-home mom or a teacher mom?’ When you teach, you generally sign a letter of intent in January that says whether you are planning on returning for the next year. Contracts are then issued later that year in April or May. If you know you are retiring or not returning, this gives schools a chance to find someone to replace you early in the hiring process. I prayed and prayed: Lord, what should I do? As I sat talking with my wonderful coworkers – the school I am at really has coworkers who treat each other as family, I remember feeling like God said, ‘Not yet.’ That SAHM life may be for me, but not yet. So, I said, ‘Ok God’ and I signed up for another year.
Because of COVID, I was able to be home from March to the middle of August. I enjoyed every minute that I had preparing for the baby’s arrival and then spending time at home with him. I was also ready to go back when that summer ended. It was the year of the virtual classroom. In the place where I live, there were few restrictions in place, so we went in person right away. We did hybrid for only two weeks, and then, all the students came back. Teaching is a strange profession. Every day is so different, and every year is so different, especially in this post-COVID world. The previous year was so challenging because of my health issues while pregnant and that one crazy class. But this year, everything turned out to be great. You always have a few kids who give you a run for your money. But, I truly loved teaching that year. The way one of my coworkers talked about it was you may have a challenging year or a year that’s just okay, but generally, it’s followed by a year where you find your groove. You find your ‘hum’ and you recognize why you chose this profession in the first place. You truly do enjoy it.
Head over to the next post to read more about my journey in and out of the classroom.
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