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Part 1 of the Wilderness Wanderings series explores seasons of doubt, anxiety, and feeling lost—offering hope, faith, and steps to navigate the dark.
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This is Part 1 of a 7-part series on Wilderness Wanderings. You can read the next part in this series here. Get the full devotional, Wilderness Wanderings: Walking out of darkness into Christ’s light here.
Life is full of seasons, some bright and uplifting, others dark and disorienting. There are times when we feel fully aligned with our purpose, walking in light and joy. And then there are seasons of wandering—periods when we feel lost, isolated, or far from God. These are the wilderness wanderings of our lives, and they can feel endless, lonely, and overwhelming.
I want to share my story of wandering—not as a perfect example, but as a real-life journey through anxiety, depression, and spiritual disorientation. My hope is that it resonates with those who feel the weight of life’s uncertainties and offers practical ways to find hope and faith in these seasons.
The Wanderings: When Life Feels Aimless
I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world: Vienna, Austria. Outside my window, children laughed in the square, the sunlight glinted off marble buildings, and autumn trees blazed in red and gold. On any other day, I might have wandered the streets, absorbed in the beauty around me. But I didn’t. Instead, I turned from the light and crawled back into bed.
Wandering can mean sauntering aimlessly with no direction, traveling from place to place without a clear goal. It can evoke romantic images, like the classic painting of a wanderer gazing over a sea of fog, full of hope and possibility. But the reality of wandering can also feel like despair—like Victor Frankenstein and his creation, locked in a relentless chase through the Great White North.
We all experience this at times. Life’s wilderness seasons are moments when our spiritual or emotional bearings seem unclear. The world feels gray. Our hearts are heavy. Tasks that once felt manageable—class, work, chores, or social interactions—become overwhelming.
A Personal Season of Wandering
During my time studying abroad, I encountered one of the darkest seasons of wandering in my life. Ironically, it was also one of the most beautiful cities I had ever been in. I loved the architecture, the history, and the culture—but internally, I felt trapped in a fog. Everyday tasks, like attending classes or preparing meals, felt impossible. The language barrier added to my isolation, but it wasn’t the only factor. Anxiety gripped me physically and emotionally: phantom pains in my chest and arms, difficulty breathing, and an overwhelming sense of dread.
What scared me most was the lack of understanding about why I felt this way. My problems weren’t obvious—they were rooted in invisible struggles. I couldn’t reason through the pain or take clear steps to fix it. At 20 years old, I questioned myself constantly: Why can’t I manage my own life? Why can’t I see the gift of this opportunity?
After months of struggling, I realized my only option was to return home. I left earlier than planned, which felt like both failure and relief.
Understanding Wilderness Wanderings
Wilderness wanderings are not just moments of discomfort—they are a human experience, one that intersects with mental health and spiritual life. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:
- Over 40 million adults in the U.S. suffer from depression, roughly 18% of the adult population.
- About 25% of children ages 13-18 experience anxiety that affects school performance and social development.
- Suicide, closely linked to depression, is the 10th leading cause of adult death and the second among ages 15-24.
These numbers reveal a sobering truth: wandering in darkness is common. Loss, grief, divorce, job instability, or mental health struggles can all lead to seasons where waking up feels like a challenge.
How Wanderings Affect the Spirit
Wilderness wanderings often feel like the end of the road. The fog of uncertainty clouds our decisions, our confidence, and sometimes our faith. It’s tempting to give up, to hide, or to wait for the fog to clear. But the truth is that these seasons, though painful, can be transformative.
In Austria, I slowly discovered that even in the darkest moments, turning to God could provide grounding and hope. My daily devotional practice, combined with journaling, became a lifeline. Each morning, I wrote prayers, reflections, and small gratitude lists. I focused on God’s faithfulness rather than the uncertainty surrounding me.
One particular memory stands out: walking through a park that memorializes Mozart while listening to the song “More Than Conquerors.” In that moment, the idea of conquering my circumstances felt impossible—but I began to understand that wandering could be a season of growth, preparation, and learning trust.
What Wilderness Wanderings Teach Us
Seasons of wandering are often misinterpreted as failure, but they can serve as profound lessons.
- Resilience: Enduring hardship teaches emotional and spiritual strength.
- Dependence on God: When human efforts fail, we learn to rely on God’s guidance and provision.
- Perspective: Hardships provide clarity about what truly matters.
- Compassion: Experiencing pain firsthand cultivates empathy for others in similar circumstances.
My time in Austria, though difficult, deepened my faith in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. The pain and isolation forced me to focus on God, to let go of pride, and to trust in His timing and plans.
Practical Steps for Navigating Your Wilderness
If you are currently in a season of wandering—whether due to mental health struggles, life transitions, or spiritual uncertainty—here are actionable strategies that helped me:
1. Establish Small Daily Practices
Devotionals, journaling, or prayer can help anchor your day. Even ten minutes of reflection or gratitude can shift your mindset.
2. Seek Support
Whether through friends, family, mentors, or professional counseling, don’t isolate yourself. Community can provide perspective and encouragement.
3. Break Tasks into Manageable Steps
When life feels overwhelming, focus on small, achievable goals: a single chore, a short walk, or one school assignment. Celebrate these victories.
4. Recognize Your Progress
Even if change feels slow, recognize small improvements. Shifts in mood, perspective, or spiritual connection are signs of growth.
5. Lean on Faith
Trust that wandering is temporary. Use scripture, prayer, and meditation to remind yourself of God’s faithfulness. Verses like Psalm 23, Isaiah 41:10, and Romans 8:28 offer reassurance that you are not alone.
Why Wanderings Are a Shared Human Experience
No matter who we are, we will all wander. It might be emotional, spiritual, or relational. The loss of a loved one, job uncertainty, or internal struggles can leave us feeling lost. Yet, these periods can teach resilience, trust, and faith. They remind us that our lives are not solely about control or certainty, but about obedience, perseverance, and hope.
The wandering might feel like the end—but it is rarely the final chapter. With patience, prayer, and reflection, we can emerge stronger, wiser, and closer to God than before.
Hope in the Wilderness
Looking back, my time in Austria, though difficult, now carries a sense of gratitude. It taught me to face discomfort, to sit with uncertainty, and to rely on God’s strength rather than my own.
Seasons of wandering—though disorienting—can lead to spiritual maturity. They provide opportunities to:
- Trust in God when life feels uncontrollable.
- Develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
- Understand that hope and joy are not dependent on circumstances but on faith.
Moving Forward
If you are wandering today, know this: you are not alone. Darkness and uncertainty are part of life, but they are also temporary. By leaning into faith, seeking support, and taking small steps each day, you can navigate these seasons with grace and resilience.
This series will guide you through your wilderness wanderings, offering encouragement, reflection, and hope. Together, we will explore how to move from despair to trust, from anxiety to peace, and from wandering to finding your way back to God’s perfect plan.
Key Takeaways
- Wilderness seasons are common: You are not failing or alone in your struggles.
- Faith sustains during wandering: Daily devotionals, prayer, and journaling help anchor your heart.
- Small steps matter: Tiny victories can provide momentum through difficult times.
- Seek support: Friends, mentors, or professional help are crucial for navigating emotional and spiritual challenges.
- Growth often comes in the dark: Wilderness wanderings can strengthen resilience, faith, and compassion.
The Wilderness Wanderings: Walking Out of Darkness into Christ’s Light
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Join me in Part 2 as we continue exploring the lessons learned in seasons of wandering and how to practically find hope, peace, and direction even in the most challenging circumstances.
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