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Social media promises a lot, but we are finding that these promises are mostly empty. There is much peril in a life that is devoted to technology and the image we have online. Today, we are going to be talking about the benefits of quitting social media. I’m Cayce Fletcher and this is Season 1 Episode 15 of the More Beautiful Life Collective Podcast. Thanks so much for joining me as we create a life we love and cultivate a heart for God.

S1E38 – Why You Need Space in Your Life to Truly Serve God – A More Beautiful Life Collective Podcast

Do you feel frazzled – like you are stuck in the rat race of the modern day’s focus on productivity? In today’s episode, we are talking about why you need margin in your life to hear God’s voice and recognize the needs of those around you. Then, we are going to talk about the special ability of those who have more space in their lives to truly serve and minister to others. We need more margin people. View the full post here. Want to start a new morning routine that will give you deep knowledge of God, practical spiritual disciplines, and an appreciation for the good, true, and beautiful things? Get a copy of our NEW AMBL Collective Morning Menu: A Morning Time Practice for Thinking People! . Visit our Shop to get a copy of any of the resources mentioned in this episode. I’m your host, Cayce Fletcher, and you can learn a little bit more about me here. While you’re here, would you consider leaving a comment, rating, or review? You can find our podcast, A More Beautiful Life Collective Podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts. Listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, or watch on YouTube. Subscribe to the blog for access to our latest content and some freebies. I love creating and sharing resources with you. You can find all of our resources at A More Beautiful Life Collective Shop. Keep creating a life you love, and cultivating your heart for God.

The Promise & Peril of Technology

I hate Facebook. I truly do. The moment that I find my finger mindlessly scrolling, checking posts, going down rabbit holes, reading vitriolic comments, and wordlessly debating as I get sucked further in, I truly hate it. But, what I’ve found myself doing over and over is the same routine. I pick up my phone to do something productive, maybe reply to a text, do my Duolingo, or find a recipe. But, somehow before any of that has gotten done, I am scrolling through Facebook, and five to ten minutes have gone by. I have gotten sucked into the black hole of social media where time not only has no meaning but frequently is sucked away never to be found again. That is the thing that I hate most about it – social media’s ability to distort our understanding of time. Think for yourself: How many hours, days even, have you lost to the mindless scroll?

It is convicting. And honestly, it makes me a little disgusted with myself.

In episodes 3 and 4 of the podcast, we talked about the relationship between us and our technology. I am not a Luddite by any means as I sit here tapping away at my keyboard with my phone in arm’s reach. I’ve always had all the latest gadgets and I love the ability to do a voice-to-text reply on my watch as I type an address on my phone to give me directions towards my next Starbucks which I order with the click of a button and drink while I listen to my favorite podcast… well you get the picture. Technology has multiplied in my life and I reap the benefits of it.

But, is it truly all benefits? Is it truly worth what we are giving up?

As I’ve listened to podcasts and researched (on the internet) and even read a few good old-fashioned paper books, I’ve found a concept repeated again and again: What is the promise of technology? What is the peril of technology?

The promise is the picture that I painted for you. The convenience and ‘freed up mental power’ of having everything I could want or want to know at the click of a button in my little computer that rides around in my back pocket. The medical innovation. The variety of entertainment.

But, what is the peril?

If I asked, many of you would probably have a quick response no matter what the level of your technology usage is right now. You might say the peril is how we are all making ourselves ‘stupider’ through the discourse of short-form media like Twitter – sorry X – and TikTok. We are ‘amusing ourselves to an intellectual death.’ We are divided and frequently divisive ourselves. We are ever connected and yet increasingly isolated. We are dying deaths of despair.

Too often though, our conversations on technology end here. We shake our heads and believe that this is our lot in life. ‘Well, what can you do?’ you may mutter as you pick up your phone to start scrolling again.

I wrote about some of these effects on our mental health as we have increasingly turned to our phones for all we need in life, for companionship, entertainment, information, and meaning. We have been sucked into this little black box that we worship because it mirrors the best parts of us back to ourselves. As we fall asleep with it curled up into our arms, we may sound like Golem whispering, “My precious,” the blue light a ghostly haze invading every last minute of our wakeful hours.

What are we sacrificing for this thing?

And do we even really want it?

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Why we should be quitting social media

Facebook and social media have taken everything from us. It has taken our precious time, but it has also taken our precious memories in the form of pictures, it has taken our ability to converse deeply about topics, and it has taken our knowledge, information, and news. It has taken the ability to be the one to share updates with your family. It has taken phone calls and letters. It has taken away the desire to be truly involved in someone’s life.

We have lost so much in the dramatic rise of a technological revolution that we did not understand. It seemed like the promise was grand – we were able to be connected at any point to anyone that we could want. But, our faces, smiling in a posed portrait edited for a more pleasing aesthetic, took precedence over true connection, as letters and phone calls fell further and further out of fashion. What does a Christmas card photo tell you about the state of my soul?

We have lost so much.

And yet, despite these words, I still feel the pull, for one more hit, one more scroll. We are addicted, but we are living in a world that acts like that addiction is okay – normal even. If you are not constantly on your technology of choice – your phone games, social media, video games, news, television – you are the odd one out. In our group, we are pressuring ourselves into a corner where we will eventually lose all of those precious things that were taken from us for good.

Even now, researchers are crying out for parents to put down their phones turn off the TV and turn and talk to their children. In Giving Your Words, Sally Clarkson writes that the average amount of time that parents spend talking with their children is 36 minutes a week. We are hurtling towards a crash and we can’t seem to break now. It’s almost like we have no control… it’s almost like we are addicted.

We are suffering from a technology addiction

In Dopamine Nation, the author discusses cases of serious addiction and the practices that she used to help people break those addictions and overcome them. She draws the parallel between these cases of severe drug, alcohol, and sex addictions and the addictions that we all have, to our food, our entertainment, and our technology. In episode 4 of the podcast, we talked about the way that technology affects our brains while discussing the benefits of a no-screen life. Screens trigger dopamine in our brains. When we take away that dopamine from our brain by choosing not to indulge in our technology of choice, we will experience the same feelings that those who are addicted to other substances. The world will seem grayer. There will be an intense yearning for that thing and almost twitch as you desire it.

The great problem is that we recognize the perils of technology and we may even desire to stop using so much, but we lack the willpower required to make significant changes on its own. And because of the lack of discussion on this topic, we also lack the language to talk about this. How often has anyone around you or anyone that you follow or listen to online said, “Hi, I’m _______ and I’m addicted to my phone.”

Without proper language, our ability to change will always be stunted because we don’t recognize that we have a problem to begin with. We don’t admit ownership over our vices. We live in denial.

So this is why I’ve decided to admit it: “Hi, I’m Cayce, and I’m addicted to my phone.”

This is why I’ve come to that conclusion:

Over the years, I’ve grown to hate Facebook. But, even though I dislike it, I can’t seem to stop using it.
Every time I pick up my phone, I’m drawn to click on social media. I may only spend a few minutes, but it sometimes happens without me even noticing.
There are times when I’m in the middle of an event, conversation, or outing that I’ve been looking forward to – with my family or friends – and I still am clicking and scrolling on social media.
I tried to set clear boundaries – 45 minutes a day or less on social media. But, I would surpass my imposed limits but clicking “Ignore for today”
My screen time on my phone would creep up and up unless I physically placed my phone out of my sight.
When I didn’t spend that time on social media and my phone, I began to get ‘twitchy.’ I start to wonder what I’m missing out on and get anxious. I find myself tapping the screen for updates. I started to question myself on even setting boundaries.
When I don’t spend time on social media, things seem ‘grayed out.’ It’s like I need stimulation from something.

As I read through my list, I cringe at how obvious it is that I have a problem with my phone. I have a problem with social media. And yet, (1) I’ve been actively discussing and working on this problem for years and (2) in many respects, I’m doing better than some with my technology use. I’ve been complimented on my screen time habits by some of my friends. How can this be? I think that we all have this kind of relationship with technology. We are all addicted to it, or at least not above being addicted to it. And, we have to set some serious boundaries with intentionality if we want to use this technology as a tool instead of it being lord of our lives.

As I’ve said, for years I tried several tricks to keep myself from using technology all the time, including setting boundaries on my time and removing my phone from me. But, though they may work for a time, use always started to creep up and up. All of a sudden I’m using more and more without really even wanting to.

We are addicted to something that we never consciously chose to use.

Recently, I’ve started to question why. I first got my Facebook when I was in high school. When I was young, I sneaked at signed up for MySpace behind my parents’ backs, but I never really used it. Most of the kids I knew first started using when they were 11-12, and almost everyone I knew created one by the time they turned 13. We all would get on the chat before and after school, talking about who knows what. I still get some of the status updates (when it was just a few words and no pictures, who remembers those?) as a memory. Snapchat and Instagram became popular towards the end of my high school years, but I didn’t get a smartphone until college so I missed out on learning the ropes. I’ve never felt quite as comfortable with those. We all have the site that we prefer, our technology of choice, and Facebook has turned out to be mine. But, I believe that they all function in the same way. They all draw us in with free mindless entertainment with a claim to connect us with who and what we love. But, the promise is empty.

When I started using Facebook, I did it for the sole purpose of connecting with all my friends who were also doing it. It was the herd mentality of teenagers. And, after that, I just never stopped. They got me ‘using’ when I was young, rewiring my brain to crave the hit of dopamine that I get when I am on it. And now that I’m old, it is just the thing to do. Never one to rock the boat, I thought about deleting my Facebook or giving it up. I just felt like it was something that would require me to have firmer boundaries and more self-discipline.

But, now I am wondering, why am I devoting my time and energy to this thing I hate.

Consequences of Quitting Social Media

Facebook and other social media give the promise of connection. And now, it has ruled out other ways of connecting. Letters. Phone calls. They are things of the past. Our photos are stored there. Precious moments that we are afraid of losing if we decide to deactivate our accounts. A close friend had his Facebook account hacked and then deleted. He was heartbroken that pictures of his kids and his animals who had passed were lost to the void. We almost feel strong-armed – held hostage – forced to keep these accounts because they hold the key to the thing we love most: our feelings for our friends and family both through checking in with them and the memories we have of them.

A popular comedy show did a sketch of this. In the show, a character was canceled. When the character got rid of social media, it made it seem like he was only a ghost. He didn’t exist if he did not have an online presence.

We face that choice today. Either we are complicit in this online world that we have created, using it despite the obvious drawbacks that we face, or we live a life that is out of the loop. There are consequences to not using as well. The primary drawback is also the most obvious. When we don’t use social media, we are removing ourselves from our primary source of information. Social media has replaced TV, newspapers, radio, magazines, the gossip train of phone calls, letters, etc. It is the primary source of information for our daily lives. Is this why we feel like we must document events on social media or do we feel like they haven’t happened?

I feel this push and pull myself. If I want to build an audience to listen to my podcast and read my blog, I feel like I have to participate in the virtual world of social media. I’m afraid that if I don’t participate, no one will ever listen to me. But, I recognize that social media itself creates scrollers not listeners. It takes time and a lack of information to delve deeply into a topic.

Benefits of Quitting Social Media

If we choose to stop partaking in something we feel morally and ethically ambivalent about, we can begin to finally reap the rewards of a life that is not dictated by social media or other technology. Quitting Social Media means we lose out on some things – we are not always the first to know; we don’t get that dopamine hit; we may miss out on some funny memes – but we get to take back other things. We gain so much.

We get back our time.

The first and most important thing that we get back is time. Check your screen time usage. How much time do you spend daily on your phone, TV, video games, or computer? What if you could use that time to connect with family, read a book, learn a hobby, work on a side hustle, make your house a haven, and exercise? By choosing to not mindlessly use technology for entertainment – to not be cyber zombies – we are redeeming our time to use for the glory of God.

We get back our connections.

I remember one time that I was trying to limit the time I spent on Facebook to one session on Fridays, I went to church the following Sunday. We were all talking and they were talking about one of our mutual friends who had moved away. They said, “Oh you didn’t see. She’s pregnant.” Instead of it being news that we rejoiced at, it was something that was just another fun fact. The joy of that connection was removed by putting it online.

Another time, I was talking with a friend and she said, “Oh I saw that you’ve been liking my posts recently.” The likes and comments on posts were evidence of a relationship regardless of the actual connection and conversation that took place in ‘real life.’ Interestingly, when time got busy and I didn’t comment and like the posts as much, the relationship iced over. Liking and commenting is arbitrary. It is evidence of nothing. It is the messed up nature of our modern society that says that it means something. A true relationship is conversations, deep talks, and meals delivered. It’s showing up for someone.

I find the same when it comes to long-distance relationships with family and friends. We assume that pictures are posted to keep our friends ‘in the know’ about our lives. But, a picture does not show the state of our souls, what we are worried about, and what we need prayer for. We’ve lost that true connection with family and friends. When we see each other again after a long time apart, it seems like there’s no need to catch up. But, we don’t know what happened with the person, even if we have a timeline of events.

We get back our ability to think deeply about topics and information.

As I’ve said, social media has taken the place of a lot of our other avenues of information. But, as both Neil Postman and Nicholas Carr have talked about in their respective books, we think differently online than we do when we engage with other types of material. Social media exacerbates this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought a certain way about a book, but when I read reviews on Goodreads, my perception of the book changes (generally to be more negative because of negative reviews). Social media encourages groupthink about events and can take enjoyment out of our perceptions of events, whether that’s the holidays, news, or your favorite movie.

If we choose to not participate in social media, we have to replace it with something else. We have to find alternative avenues of information in a world that has dismantled these things. There are few magazines and newspapers left. Most families don’t regularly send letters or even do phone calls and text groups anymore. These ways of information may require more effort and time for us. We will have to intentionally pursue them. For instance, I’ve learned so much about my hobbies from groups on Facebook. I know how to cloth diapers, do freshly milled flour, and do lots of other homesteading tips through these tips. But, I’ve found I can’t personally use Facebook for these groups while limiting my time spent on it. This means I have to do research on this topic, on the internet and through books, rather than assuming I’ll come across it at random while scrolling. News about local and national events can be replaced with newspapers, email newsletters, radio, and podcasts. I still haven’t figured out the limits of what I feel I must do about my blog. There are websites and apps that let you post to social media without actually getting on there yourself. This can limit engagement for me.

Baby steps towards quitting social media

I’m not sure what the ultimate outcome of quitting social media will be. I’m not sure if it will be something I do forever, but for right now, this seems like the best option. I can’t use it with firm boundaries, because the boundary markers always seem to move. So, I have to remove myself from the situation, by choosing to not use it at all. The blog will continue to have a social media presence as I post from outside sources. And, I will continue to use all other technology. I may also use Pinterest, YouTube, and Goodreads because they offer a different kind of information than other social media.

Some baby steps towards quitting social media include:

Choosing to not look at the comments unless you can give someone a meaningful recommendation or idea.
Curating the people you follow on social media to be those you care about or get something of value from.
Setting boundaries on your social media usage.
Getting rid of certain social media apps.
Deleting social media apps on your personal device, while not deleting the whole account.
Deleting all social media accounts.
Getting rid of wifi at home or getting rid of your smartphone.

Any amount of being intentional with your technology use is a step in the right direction even if you choose to use that technology mindfully – while still using social media. We can choose the amount of time or types of social media. But, just by choosing and setting boundaries, we are taking power back from social media and technology. We are putting it back into the role of tool instead of lord of our lives.

As we head into the advent season, this is my way of fasting in order to focus on all the great things that we have been given through the gift of Jesus. I am hoping to spend this holiday season with a clear vision and an attitude of gratitude.

What about you? What is your relationship with social media? Do you think you would benefit from quitting social media? Or just choosing to fast from social media for a season?

Let me know in the comments. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a rating and review to help others find the podcast.

Until next time keep creating a life you love and cultivating your heart for God.

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